The boys have this thing they say a lot - "hulu gize this?" Hulu gize means "always" or "all the time" and "this" could refer to anyplace that we are or anything that we are doing. They say it when we are someplace or doing something they don't like. They're asking if the place or activity will be a permanent part of their lives; they're worried that things will always be like "this."
I've been kind of flippant about it: No, boys, someone else getting a turn does not mean it will always be their turn, no, we will not listen exclusively to traffic updates in the car, no, we may occasionally do something else besides clean your ears, no, we will not spend the remainder of our lives standing in the weed killer aisle at Home Depot.
But I do it, too. I've always been an overgeneralizer (I just did it there). Lately I've been thinking that I will NEVER get the top floor of our new house organized, I will NEVER get those new windows put in, without the new windows I will NEVER have an air conditioning unit on the top floor so it will ALWAYS be too hot to go up there (which means I will NEVER get it organized), I will NEVER do anything that is not addressing an immediate need which means I'll NEVER be able to set or meet any long term goals, I will NEVER make friends in this new city, I will ALWAYS be too tired to have a decent conversation with my husband after the kids are in bed, I will feel new and unorganized and uncommunicative ALWAYS.
When I write my thoughts down it makes me relate much better to what the kids are thinking. No matter how silly it may seem, the thought that "this" is how it will always be is real and scary and paralyzing.
Love it! Children have such a knack for mirroring our own absurdities. I have to work to remind myself that my son will not always be doing the things he is now, both the adorable and annoying things. Puts it in perspective!
ReplyDeleteI know! Seeing ourselves in other people always touches a nerve!
Delete"How come I always have to brush my teeth every day?"
ReplyDelete"How come I always have to take a shower every day?" (note: he does not take a shower every day yet)
"How come I have to always race every day?" (note the previous race had been six weeks prior, AND once we got there, he was totally psyched)
"How come I always got to watch TV every day?" (oh right, I never hear that one)
We're 10 months in and it's still like this... ;)
ReplyDeleteYou or them?
DeleteZ's favorite is to tell us that whatever fun thing we've just had to stop doing, he will do 'negeh' - tomorrow. Sometimes that's true but most of the time we won't do that again for a while, or not until NEXT thursday, etc. I've started counting 'sleeps' until he gets to do that thing again. Now he'll confirm, 'Mommy, pee-lay see-pee-lash pad five sleeps."
ReplyDeleteLove it!
DeleteI am also a big-time over-generalizer...a ridiculous habit.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your interpretation of the boys I immediatly visualized an old Jewish man with a Yiddish accent (much like many of my childhood friends' grandpas).
Shaking the hands at the sky, "Always with the _____."
You moved to a new state right after your adoption. How long did it take you to get unpacked/organized and make new friends?
DeleteI left for Ethiopia from Oregon - when I returned, I returned to Missouri. My husband did lots of the unpacking while we traveled. The new friends thing sucked for a long time. We got lucky when some other transplants with a daughter our daughter's age moved in next door after we had been here about 2 months. Still, the rest took about a year.
DeleteThe huge upside (at least that is what I kept telling myself) was there was no one to interfere with attachment. No friends who wanted to hold Little Dude, because there were no friends. No social pressures, etc...
I spent a lot of time on the phone with friends - short but daily conversations that kept me sane. And I started my blog so I could feel like I was talking to other adults.
I love the notion that you are exploring the city together - a real family thing to do.
Hang in there.