I haven't written anything since we passed court because it's taken some time to process new parenthood. The first few days were pure jubilation - "Ask me how many kids I have! I HAVE TWO KIDS! WOO HOO!!!!!" - but after that subsided, some serious cognitive dissonance set in. Legally I have two kids, but I have very little physical evidence to make it feel real. Remember, we only met the kids once, back in November. We only have a couple of photos taken with them, and we still know almost nothing about them.
My body often deals with stress by getting sleepy. The sleepiness started about a week after our court date and lasted for about two weeks. I feel like I've come out of it now. I've got my energy back and I'm in a good state of mind.
The last few days we have done a lot to get the house ready for the boys. We rearranged the furniture in three rooms so that we now have a sleeping room (for all of us), a play room, and a den/everything else room. We moved a bunch of things to the attic to declutter and toddler-proof. We made posters of our Burji photos to put up in the bedroom, and placed photos of the boys around the house. We've bought or registered for everything we'll need for the first weeks home (except for clothes, since we don't have sizes yet). There are still things left on our to-do list, but we've gotten through more than half of them.
The boys, unfortunately, are still in Burji. Usually orphanages will release the children a few days before the adoptive parents' court date. In our case the orphanage said they wanted to wait until we had passed court, which was within their legal rights. However they have no legal right to hold the boys now. I don't know if they are purposely dragging their feet or if someone is just being lazy, but our agency told us that if this isn't resolved soon, they will call on various ministry officials or even the U.S. Embassy to deal with the orphanage. I hope it doesn't come to that.
Welcome to the vortex...that weird place where we sit between our past life and our future life. It's so hard. I imagine even more so for you, since you really didn't get to spend much time with your kiddos. Sounds like you've made good progress on the house...I'm now cleaning out drawers. Why? I have no idea, but I've done everything else, so why not! I'm hoping that things works out quickly and calmly with Burji.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kristin. I wasn't joking about wanting to see your to-do list. I want to make sure we haven't forgotten anything. We've never done this parent thing before, and you have.
ReplyDeleteIt really has to be a strange feeling, to be in such an in-between place. I wouldn't even know where to start. I hope the orphanage situation gets resolved very soon.
ReplyDeleteI also get sleepy when I get stressed. When I start wanting to go to bed extremely early, it's a sign. :-) Glad you're feeling better. Hope you guys get news soon.
Oy, the stress. I hope you get good news soon. In the meantime, enjoy the nesting. I was a master stress-nester.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe the boys haven't been moved to HH yet! One more hiccup in your journey. Sigh. It sounds like you've been working hard on the house and getting things ready - good for you!
ReplyDeleteI hope WHFC is being supportive through all this. You guys have been through so much and I hope your boys are moved to HH soon. That will be a huge relief. Thank you for keeping us posted. Are there other Burji families you can connect with? are they experiencing similar delays?
ReplyDeleteI missed that you passed court! Congratulations! I know that "shut down stress sleepy" feeling. I remember it from the wait last time. Note to both us: kids in the first day or fifteen of being in custody of parents sometimes shut down with this sleepy stress. It feels nice because they are more snuggly, but really, upon reflection, they may be completely freaking out.
ReplyDeleteI really hope things move forward quickly. Hope hope hope.
Thanks for the supportive messages. Meg, I sent you a private message about the other Burji families. Scooping, I remember reading that for some kids, during the first few weeks or months they can be thought of as "warm rocks." I will be on the look-out for that. "Warm rock" is a perfect description of my reaction to stress.
ReplyDeleteHope this gets settled soon! I know that T was happy in her orphanage in Woliso and I don't think she was in Addis that long before we arrived. It was yet another big transition and honestly one that I didn't think she really needed after all she went through. I don't see that she really bonded w/ the WH staff and the little medical care they gave her was just that...little.
ReplyDeleteThat time getting T's room ready was so special to me. You are about to undergo a HUGE change...make sure you take time for yourself and your husband...it will never be the same again. I mean that in a good way : )
I was such a wreck, my metabolism hit overdrive and I lost five pounds. "How on earth am I going to parent this little stranger? What made me think I would be a good mother?" Wish I'd been able to be a bit more mellow. Although it was nice to fit into clothes I hadn't fit into in a while. We didn't hear about T being moved to HH until he'd been there about 15 days. Grrr. But what I really want to tell you is that if you have an airport reception (can't remember what side you come down on on this), tell people NOT to bring stuffed animals. I can't tell you how manys stuffed animals got shoved in T's face. He had NO idea what they were. Now, if they'd brought toy machinas -- wow. So tell them to bring cars. T was a mess in the airport and we were waiting endlessly for our never-to-arrive luggage. Once he fished his machinas out of his pockets and started pushing them across the airport floor (keep in mind, east coast airports were closed up and down the coast so it was pretty darn empty in there), his cousins started rolling them back to him, and therein was the start of a beautiful relationship. And finally a kid who was out of flight mode.
ReplyDeleteHope you hear of an embassy date soon! I'm packing a box for you!
Gisah, I hope that, like T, the boys are happy with they are and bonded with their caregivers. I hate that they have to have another move soon. But they can't be seen by an Embassy physician until they are in Addis, and until they're seen by an Embassy physician, our case can't be submitted to the Embassy.
ReplyDeleteKaren, we haven't decided about the airport reception yet. Not sure if we'll want to fly the last (domestic) leg or drive it. We'll be sure to have lots of cars with us either way.
Thanks for the advice, both of you!