- Remember the adoption bell curve. As much as this stinks, it helps to remember that most international adoptions involve some sort of setback.
- Assume the very best of intentions by the person who is causing the delay. I feel better thinking that the official delaying all the Burji adoptions has the children's best interests at heart.
- Find a way to connect with Ethiopia that doesn't directly involve the adoption delay. Writing about our trip has been therapeutic for me. Last weekend we cooked up a lot of Ethiopian food and had friends over to share it. And we are learning to read Fidel. All this helps me feel connected to the boys without dwelling on what we're missing.
- Accept any negative emotions that come up for what they are. I feel jealous when I read about other people in our agency passing court. It's a normal reaction. I can name it, accept it and move on.
- Be mindful of things that can affect mood. Get more exercise and limit alcohol.
- From another Burji PAP: Don't hope for good news every time the phone rings. Pick a date in the future and don't expect any news before then.
- From another Burji PAP: Make a list of positive activities to keep you busy during the wait. Every time you feel bad about not meeting the kids, work on doing something off the list.
- If all else fails: Fake it. Go through the motions. Put one foot in front of the other. Focus on what you have to do in the next five minutes and eventually you will find yourself busy with your regular life.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Emotionally surviving a canceled court date
Today is one month since we were supposed to appear in court in Ethiopia. To mark the occasion I am listing the things that have helped me deal with our canceled court date.