Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Stunned

For most of the two weeks since our referral I have been in a state of shock. We were not expecting a referral in July. We definitely were not expecting siblings. I don't think we were actually even expecting children - after so many months of paperwork it had begun to seem that the paperwork was the whole point, and to see pictures of real, flesh-and-blood little boys was completely astonishing.

I came back from vacation with my brain running at half-speed. For the first few days home I did almost nothing, just shut myself in the house, finished the home repairs I had started before vacation, and generally hid from the world. I couldn't study Amharic. I didn't look at their pictures.

People talk about bursting into tears during their referral call or at the first sight of their future children. I didn't. I got a little teary-eyed when my mom's voice wavered talking about the boys, and when T's mom sent out a fundraising appeal for East Africa with a new, personal urgency. I choked up a little when our friend said that if we ever needed it, she would be available to take Buki, and when people I've never met exploded with joy across the internet. I have been really, really grateful for the love and support of so many people. But I was in too much shock to really feel my emotions.

Until Monday, when we got this email from a family member: I know that you will be required and want to make multiple trips to Africa to complete your adoption efforts. [ ] and I would like to put some smooth air under your wings and pay for all your airline tickets.

That was the tipping point. Everything that had been building up came out at that moment. There's crying, and then there's all the air rushing out of your lungs, leaving you gasping. I sobbed reading the email, and I sobbed again in the bathroom accessories aisle at Lowe's where I was meeting T after work (and suddenly everyone who had planned to buy a bathroom fan remembered that they really needed a lug nut on the other side of the store). These boys will be LOVED. They will be loved so much, and by so many people. We are truly, truly lucky to have the family and friends that we do.

After that I was able to start studying Amharic again. And I'm filling out our visa applications today.

12 comments:

  1. I loved this. Thanks for sharing. You just never know what's going to be the tipping point. There will probably be many things in the years to come that will be overwhelmingly emotional ... and you definitely have a great story to tell about where it all began.

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  2. WOW! the love that adoption brings and emotions. Crying for happiness is always a great thing. People are so generous. We are so happy for you! I know I have said before. I can't wait to see pictures! ARe you getting busy preparing their rooms? what fun!!

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  3. This post makes me happy.: )

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  4. Kala, we can't post pictures until after we pass court (December, January or later). Sorry! Take my word for it, they're pretty gorgeous.

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  5. I am so excited for you and Tabb! This post brings tears to my eyes, happy ones of course! :)

    -Andrea

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  6. Totally bawling. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help you guys prepare.

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  7. Such a nice post! What a nice way to feel, too. :)

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  8. Thanks, all!
    Andrea, maybe you'll get to meet them next year - my mom is hoping for an extended family reunion for her birthday!
    Jess, come over for dinner!

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  9. This is wonderful, wonderful news! Congratulations! Are the boys at HH yet? There were a set of brothers at the Big Kid house... Thanks for sharing your referral story; I just love reading those. Keep busy while you wait for court and take advantage of the time you have together before the kiddos arrive. We're 2 days in and cannot believe how everything is on its head... =)

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  10. Meg!!!! Isn't it exciting!

    I'm sorry things are so upside down for you right now, but after reading all the responses to your post, it seems that it is completely normal and a healthy reaction. I hope you can all work through this together and come to a "new normal" before too long. Glad to see you are still smiling (at least electronically). Tabb and I are thinking of you every day. We expect that we will be going through much the same thing in the next year.

    I don't think the boys are at HH yet, as it's only been 2 weeks since our referral. As far as we know, they are in Burji.

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  11. This post made me so happy. You will be a fantastic mom Kyra.

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  12. Thanks, Becky! That means a lot coming from someone who already is a fantastic mom.

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