tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post4231754764815390691..comments2023-12-14T06:06:39.934-05:00Comments on Agnostic Adoption: Mercy Mercy: video, links, thoughtsKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-7308969584903106632013-07-30T10:26:22.044-04:002013-07-30T10:26:22.044-04:00Is there anywhere to still view the film?Is there anywhere to still view the film?Lizard1216https://www.blogger.com/profile/03093681523933978972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-41589910625663798212013-04-03T22:26:35.380-04:002013-04-03T22:26:35.380-04:00"I will admit that I found Masho's lack o..."I will admit that I found Masho's lack of concern when they told her she was moving on was very eerie."<br /><br />That's not unusual for a 3 year old. She probably did not understand what was going on and might have been in shock as well. lucrezaborgiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12301770958254113165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-36633717271559478172013-03-13T21:14:22.786-04:002013-03-13T21:14:22.786-04:00I am glad you wrote this because I know enough abo...I am glad you wrote this because I know enough about the documentary film world to know that anything can be edited to favor one point of view, and that a documentary does not need to adhere to journalistic integrity. And I cannot wrap my head around not wanting to stay connected to your child's birth family. They made the biggest sacrifice, shit why can't the adoptive family at least try every avenue possible to keep that connection?Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09167285276763745176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-83095903169373115282013-03-13T19:35:50.404-04:002013-03-13T19:35:50.404-04:00Thank you for your comment. I came across your blo...Thank you for your comment. I came across your blog pretty recently and I have enjoyed reading it. I will look for your post about this movie.Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-56969114628360118972013-03-13T19:33:26.411-04:002013-03-13T19:33:26.411-04:00I just can't fathom that, especially with an o...I just can't fathom that, especially with an older child. Do people think children's memories and feelings can just be erased? Or is the biological family so much of an "other" than AP's can't understand that they would feel the same parental love as anyone?Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-83988242631633401512013-03-13T19:30:06.673-04:002013-03-13T19:30:06.673-04:00That's right, thanks for refreshing my memory....That's right, thanks for refreshing my memory. I now remember that we were given the same reason for why contact had to be through the agency and not done independently. Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-57897735192329651792013-03-13T11:20:06.776-04:002013-03-13T11:20:06.776-04:00I personally helped facilitate adoptions for known...I personally helped facilitate adoptions for known families members about 2-3 years ago as a volunteer for a humanitarian organization that was doing adoptions while doing aid work, while I lived in the country we were also adopting from at the time. I came into it completely ignorant, but when my gut (and voice) told me contact (even direct) was necessary and good I hit resistance from the director I was working with for the adoptions. Some families fought for direct contact and have it. We are included in that group. I think that for the families (first families) there is absolutely the assumption that adoption means communication, a relationship and maybe future support (even if it wasn't communicated directly about the support part). I think a lot of APs are told a line by their agencies and they believe it completely about first families. I posted my response to the film on my blog, but there was more that I can't even articulate yet or may never be able to publicly. I have changed in so many ways since the day I stepped into IA 3 1/4 years ago, so much. I have made so many mistakes, some are ones I will forever regret. So, I keep talking and fight to make change happen, it comes at a cost, but it will never be comparable to the cost paid by children that are wrongfully taken from their families. Thank you so much for the post. You had a much more rational review of it than I did as I am still quite emotional about it because seeing the reality again of what I saw hits hard.Hollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18292906576912622770noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-2724235192470171402013-03-13T08:56:10.546-04:002013-03-13T08:56:10.546-04:00Also I have met MANY MANY AP's for Ethiopia th...Also I have met MANY MANY AP's for Ethiopia that have absolutely no intention of ever keeping their children's families informed of their well being. I feel terrible for those families left behind to wonder. Cindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16842778531500045113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-45392867326311848332013-03-13T08:54:29.361-04:002013-03-13T08:54:29.361-04:00I think all of us bought the lie that we could not...I think all of us bought the lie that we could not stay in contact. I believe whole heartedly that many agencies do not want us to establish independent contact due to the fact that they will be "found out. Our agency, as you know, was far from professional when confronted with their wrongdoing. <br />The documentary was heart breaking and yet nothing is really changing in Ethiopia. Sigh. It just continues to break my heart. <br /><br /><br />Cindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16842778531500045113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-33700488399153295152013-03-13T01:13:55.134-04:002013-03-13T01:13:55.134-04:00Contact was discouraged in order that families wou...Contact was discouraged in order that families wouldn't be tempted to break the rules set out by the embassy, such as giving things of value to the family, including financial support. That's the line I was told, anyway, and I've spoken to others who used other agencies that told them the same thing. This was from the US side, and I didn't ask the Ethiopian staff; we knew we would establish independent contact eventually. We did it far sooner than we thought we would, though, after the orphanage Z was relinquished to closed, and no one could give us an answer of how to find her family when we visited; the one thing we'd been promised was that the agency and orphanage could together notify her family if we were in Ethiopia and arrange a meeting.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09098391747911095350noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-69240601516093164042013-03-11T23:00:28.099-04:002013-03-11T23:00:28.099-04:00Going to answer you privately.Going to answer you privately.Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-76514827220134950492013-03-11T22:21:30.508-04:002013-03-11T22:21:30.508-04:00Wow...I have so much to say on this. I should pro...Wow...I have so much to say on this. I should probably write my own post, but I'll just hijack your's instead. <br /><br />Batsh*t is a good way to describe that dinner scene. I didn't really understand it. They seem wholly unprepared to parent a child with issues. I'm sure you are right, that there must have been worse behaviors that we didn't see. But, frankly, based on what I saw and what she told us about, Masho was a walk in the park. I will admit that I found Masho's lack of concern when they told her she was moving on was very eerie. But, I wish that the parents had had an attachment specialist that could have worked with them from the beginning. Whatever books they read were obviously the wrong ones. <br /><br />As for the filmmaker, she is the reason I decided not to become a journalist. I was a journalism major in college, and realized during my senior year that I couldn't stand by and film the burning building without running in to save the people inside. <br /><br />As for communication post-adoption, I think you are the only one doing a good job of this. I sent a six-month-home photo album, but I don't know that it ever reached our kids' birth family. In the letter (which I had translated into Amharic here), I included our contact information. I am suspicious about whether the package ever reached its destination because of that. And, don't get me started about the new service where I can pay $100 to get delivery confirmation. What a crock. It has made me think less of our agency, and I'm realizing that it really is all about the money. So sad...<br /><br />I just mailed the pictures for my one-year report today. I have been seriously wondering who reads these reports and what happens to them once they arrive in Ethiopia. Given the volume, I can't imagine that anyone actually takes the time to read them, let alone get them out to the rural families who are desperate to see them. <br /><br />The system is broken. And no one knows how to fix it. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-61101054810751259622013-03-11T20:14:55.567-04:002013-03-11T20:14:55.567-04:00I was under the impression that most agencies work...I was under the impression that most agencies working in Ethiopia encouraged contact, but through the agency. What reason is given by those agencies that discourage all contact (I assume a hidden reason is the fear that lies will be discovered, but what is the reason given to the adoptive parents)?Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-10041625677043226252013-03-11T00:35:27.210-04:002013-03-11T00:35:27.210-04:00I'm glad you wrote about this, because my knee...I'm glad you wrote about this, because my knee jerk reaction was 100% judgmental. Masho reminds me so much of my own daughter's grief. Your perspective is a bit more balanced than mine, I think.<br /> <br />I, too, was dismayed by the adoptive parents' unwillingness to maintain contact, but I don't think it's something that a lot of agencies encourage, and so any of the adoption professionals working on their behalf would leave that part out or even discourage it outright. In fact, I know of more agencies who discourage it than encourage it, or at least limit it to letters that go through the agency and are screened. I think many agencies are afraid of what will happen when the two families are in touch.<br /><br />The whole thing is shameful, really, with so much deceit involved.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09098391747911095350noreply@blogger.com