tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post4818724140637385052..comments2023-12-14T06:06:39.934-05:00Comments on Agnostic Adoption: This is not a gray areaKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-77163751353819048232011-10-16T15:50:57.836-04:002011-10-16T15:50:57.836-04:00Well said, Kyra. It is not up to PAPs to decide w...Well said, Kyra. It is not up to PAPs to decide who is or isn't available to adopt. I don't care how many times this family has been to Uganda, they are not entitled to pick out a child and say the heck with the family's wishes. I agree that a 10 year old child *who is ALREADY available for adoption* should have some say in who adopts them, but if a child is not available for adoption, tough. We do not allow 10 year old children to decide if they want to be adopted. And to anyone who disagrees, consider the risks if someone who was wealthy beyond your imagining arrived on the scene to compete with you for YOUR children. Imagine if some rich glamorous movie star, someone who could give your child much, much more then you could, started visiting your child's school and took a special interest in your kid. OF COURSE any child would be swayed, which is why parents (not PAPs) make those decisions for their children.barb_aloothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07990706676816248438noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-33950031205025742632011-10-15T23:20:03.715-04:002011-10-15T23:20:03.715-04:00holy crap! Okay I have a HUGE problem with this. I...holy crap! Okay I have a HUGE problem with this. I think this is a flaw in international adoption, as well.<br /><br />And for the record, I am a Christian and I deeply believe adoption is beautiful and wonderful when done correctly. I can see the hand of God working even in the most broken parts of our adoption. It is why we're going to rise above all of this awful corruption in adoption and reveal the truth of what is happening- and God willing, get adoption reform.<br /><br />Okay, here are my thoughts<br /><br />1. In Ethiopia I've heard of parents relinquishing birth rights, letting the child go into an orphanage, and then getting back on their feet, and taking the child back when the potential adoptive family has their court date. This is so wrong. Not that the mother is taking the child back, but that she is forced into that situation without any other form of aid! It is not fair to the adoptive families, either. <br /><br />2. It sounds like in Uganda they have it a little more together- where they can allow the children to stay at the orphanage, and then come back when they are ready, without matching the child with a PAP. <br /><br />3. Children should stay with their birth families at all costs! I don't care if they are poor. When I lived in West Africa I found the most fulfilled people living there. Yes, the medical care isn't to the same standard as the US, and technology is sparse- but they are HAPPY, FULLFILLED, and LOVED. I would gladly trade a long miserable life in the states for a shorter satisfied one in a developing country. There is no reason to separate a family that wants to be together. We should find aid to keep them together...which brings me to-<br /><br />4. When we received our referral of our son we found out his birth mother was still alive. That did not sit right with us. We even asked if we could keep the family intact if we supported them financially. No, that wasn't allowed. And if we didn't accept the referral someone else would. So we took the referral knowing that we would keep them in close contact. It still doesn't make what happened right, but we are now going to be the voice for this. <br /><br />As adoptive parents (I'm talking to everyone who has adopted!) we ALL have a responsibility to be the voice for our children and their birth families, especially if we know there is something broken in the system. This shouldn't happen. If parents are alive, want to keep their children, but can't afford it, as adoptive parents I find that we are OBLIGATED to figure out a solution to this problem. I feel as an adoptive parent of a child who had the system fail his family it is now my burden to fix it.<br /><br />Okay, off my soapbox. I just can't believe that there are people ignorant enough to be praising the "adoptive family" in the situation that you posted about.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-84799126964355205862011-10-10T06:45:00.864-04:002011-10-10T06:45:00.864-04:00Excellent.Excellent.los cazadoreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08047753608490707714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-41129030439943517782011-10-06T07:25:14.095-04:002011-10-06T07:25:14.095-04:00I don't disagree. Like you said, the family ca...I don't disagree. Like you said, the family can relinquish or the courts can decide. The prospective adoptive family should have absolutely no part of that. To involve themselves in that process is completely unethical.Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-4331686423697113632011-10-05T22:36:21.102-04:002011-10-05T22:36:21.102-04:00What I'm suggesting is that perhaps the fact t...What I'm suggesting is that perhaps the fact that they haven't been involved for ten years changes things a bit. I do think the family needs to relinquish or the courts need to decide that they already did (after ten years). If you disagree, that's fine.Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16167421890428319786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-80417177458712364512011-10-05T22:05:12.513-04:002011-10-05T22:05:12.513-04:00Deb,
If you look at the original post - I can'...Deb,<br />If you look at the original post - I can't link to it, as it's been taken down - you'll see that the bloggers themselves said that the family would have to sign papers to relinquish her. So she is not available for adoption. Even in the states, you can't say a child is "no longer theirs" if parental rights haven't been terminated, no matter how neglectful the parenting has been. Neither you nor someone wanting to adopt a child gets to make that determination. This is not a gray area.Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-54422686035789264972011-10-05T21:45:01.997-04:002011-10-05T21:45:01.997-04:00Sorry to disagree. This girl was left in institut...Sorry to disagree. This girl was left in institutional care since birth (over ten years) without so much as a visit from anyone in her bio family. I just don't think this is black and white. I DO believe there is gray. The same way as when a family in the states abandons their child. They may change their mind, but they don't "get" to. That child would no longer be theirs, in the states. And the pictures? Only people and faces. Not "stuff." Please know the facts and stop calling these people "awful people." This is all just ugly. And getting worse. So so sad.Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16167421890428319786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-70343395558881063032011-10-05T12:35:22.803-04:002011-10-05T12:35:22.803-04:00I love how you wrote this post - so unfailing and ...I love how you wrote this post - so unfailing and direct and reasonable.Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01286546266415945733noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-1296670844780987462011-10-03T11:27:07.895-04:002011-10-03T11:27:07.895-04:00Just followed you here from a comment on another w...Just followed you here from a comment on another website. Love the blog. Love this post. Amen. In some strange way this reminds me of the current situation in my household in which I tell my 3-year-old "no" and then he tries every single possible angle to change my mind. Every time I say "No" he comes at me with "but..." You can argue all of those details a million times but the answer is still the same. This girl is not available for adoption. Respect that. Amen. Great post.Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13825917249577062457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-61013527236372124492011-10-03T09:03:54.029-04:002011-10-03T09:03:54.029-04:00Having the attitude that children "are not av...Having the attitude that children "are not available for adoption,” until AFTER all of the court proceedings, which PROPERLY determine that a child is indeed available and in NEED of being adopted is a fair healthier attitude for adoptive parents to have. It is better to have this perspective for the children's sake and for your own peace of mind. This goes for both international and domestic adoptions.<br /><br />If agencies and prospective parents maintained this attitude, we would be in the position of finding parents for kids, not kids for parents.<br /><br />Great post!Bobhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05933679530214731775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-14660924313818496732011-10-02T23:08:01.196-04:002011-10-02T23:08:01.196-04:00Right on. There are many grey areas in adoption. T...Right on. There are many grey areas in adoption. This is NOT one of them. I also wrote about it= although, badly, from a injured Christian perspective. Tore me up to read it. Trying trying trying to let it go- but it stirred up so much. UGH!!Sha Zam-https://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-72606132209214776502011-10-02T19:54:54.660-04:002011-10-02T19:54:54.660-04:00Amen, Kyra!Amen, Kyra!kareydkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16411246173777986984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-2760065931000128922011-10-02T18:49:12.126-04:002011-10-02T18:49:12.126-04:00Thank you, Cindy. I figured you and others who had...Thank you, Cindy. I figured you and others who had adopted from Uganda would know who to contact over there. Please be sure to let us know if you find out the outcome. Do you know if the authorities have received copies of the posts that lead up to the attempted adoption? http://www.gracelings.org/2011/09/gray.html has links to them.<br />Thanks,<br />KyraKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-88416919739149662062011-10-02T17:04:29.597-04:002011-10-02T17:04:29.597-04:00Kyra- Rest Assured that a lot of action was taken ...Kyra- Rest Assured that a lot of action was taken by other AP's in this case. Many of us are paying the price for it now from this families followers but it is fine. It was the right thing to do for the child. <br />Thanks for your perspective and continues advocacy!!Cindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16842778531500045113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-60540808097539404772011-10-02T07:42:46.589-04:002011-10-02T07:42:46.589-04:00@semiferal: just to be clear, I think there are lo...@semiferal: just to be clear, I think there are lots of gray areas in adoption. But this isn't one of them. And I promise I'm not trying to smite you. :)<br />@Kristen: whatever happens, I know you will do the right thing. I think that's what makes waiting so hard. Because we aren't confident of the outcome. Unlike those horrible people, who already posted the kid's picture on their blog and told her to call them mommy and daddy before finding out if she was available for adoption.Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-44130504666083828032011-10-02T02:34:16.620-04:002011-10-02T02:34:16.620-04:00Thanks for posting! I'm so sick of people hav...Thanks for posting! I'm so sick of people having this sense of entitlement, especially when it comes to children!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-63995431743868324572011-10-02T00:09:54.933-04:002011-10-02T00:09:54.933-04:00Right on! She is NOT available for adoption!Right on! She is NOT available for adoption!Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13790711152511868938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-68858338047553647162011-10-01T23:21:25.426-04:002011-10-01T23:21:25.426-04:00My husband & i were just talking about how the...My husband & i were just talking about how there are still2 weeks until we go to court. While we are preparing everything for her as our daughter. There is still a chance she will not be, that is part of this process, as a mom i want what is best for HER, not for me. To think about bribing someone to take their child is disgusting & beyond arrogant. your right there is NO gray here!Kristenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01710775168712883254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-28978940096673553702011-10-01T23:03:01.871-04:002011-10-01T23:03:01.871-04:00My Word Verification for that last comment was &qu...My Word Verification for that last comment was "Smite" HmmmmmmAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-90114374259543787392011-10-01T23:01:41.077-04:002011-10-01T23:01:41.077-04:00Like this post. Trying to say something about my ...Like this post. Trying to say something about my initial reaction and my belief in the grey area and how it may or may not apply in this case. But I can't come up with anything coherent other than, thank you for writing this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-40942900314230011312011-10-01T17:48:22.036-04:002011-10-01T17:48:22.036-04:00I too enjoyed this post:)I too enjoyed this post:)AnnMarie & Nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16691381177134267192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-36210191230845891822011-10-01T12:53:26.088-04:002011-10-01T12:53:26.088-04:00Yes, of course. And thank YOU for getting so many ...Yes, of course. And thank YOU for getting so many people talking about this. Hopefully something will be done about this specific case, but also hopefully some people who hadn't seen anything wrong with this kind of behavior before will now open their eyes.Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-4724017255135006352011-10-01T12:13:26.685-04:002011-10-01T12:13:26.685-04:00I love this post. Thanks for your response and bri...I love this post. Thanks for your response and brilliance. Can I link on my post?scooping it uphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08801475653537826888noreply@blogger.com