tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post1228945126040321694..comments2023-12-14T06:06:39.934-05:00Comments on Agnostic Adoption: Long post about our agencyKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-84987216613698949022017-03-21T21:17:14.825-04:002017-03-21T21:17:14.825-04:00Hello fellow commenters,
My husband and I live in...Hello fellow commenters,<br /><br />My husband and I live in Boston and are considering working with WHFC for adoption from Asia. We would love to be in touch about your experiences with them, or other local agencies. Email me at laraawild@gmail.com if you have a chance. It's scary putting your trust in an agency, epically with such mixed reviews out there. Thank you!larawildhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12964660125964423216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-31918931553759581542011-06-23T21:20:38.323-04:002011-06-23T21:20:38.323-04:00You ask great questions Kyra. Thanks for sharing....You ask great questions Kyra. Thanks for sharing. The bit about 4-6 year old boys was very interesting. Your conclusions seem sound. I wish there was a way we could find out if they're accurate.Sharon Wheelesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06075724952701903481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-86823418094454610082011-03-01T18:50:03.935-05:002011-03-01T18:50:03.935-05:00Amy, is there an email address where I can write y...Amy, is there an email address where I can write you... I have lots of questions about children in the age range you adopted.<br />Kelly, are you blogging?Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-35918608848512022672011-02-28T19:01:22.709-05:002011-02-28T19:01:22.709-05:00Hi there - Just found your blog through Liz's ...Hi there - Just found your blog through Liz's link (Liz is great at making connections)! I loved this post on a number of levels. We are also with WHFC and we have had similar conversations with folks there throughout our wait so far. I look forward to following along on your journey.Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13533605951512372935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-29021022765318178852011-02-27T22:01:09.255-05:002011-02-27T22:01:09.255-05:00HI! I don't think I have ever come across you...HI! I don't think I have ever come across your blog before...not like I have a ton of time anymore though. We brought home sibs through WHFC in June of 2010. Our son was 4.5 on paper, but we think he is closer to 7.5 years. Our daughter is turning 4 on paper this Thursday, however, we tell her that she is turning 5. Our attachment process has been better than we ever could have expected. Our children are so happy. We didn't have a lot of the classic attachment issues with either of them. The first 2 weeks at home were the most difficult, but still, no where near as hard as I know it could have been. A few crying fits with fists to the floor, but that is all. If you ever want to talk, let me know. I noticed that you may have not yet decided on an age range. I, of course, would highly recommend 3+ !! I have a blog too, if you are interested: amyanddougsjourneytoethiopia.blogspot.com<br /><br />Good luck~Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10007828043019241459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-20491707023450671762011-02-27T21:43:38.835-05:002011-02-27T21:43:38.835-05:00Karen, I do follow your blog. Thanks for the thoug...Karen, I do follow your blog. Thanks for the thoughtful comment. I'd like to talk to you somewhere more privately. Can you send an email address to yiothetisi@yahoo.com? Thank you!Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-2859316516921814932011-02-27T20:09:26.942-05:002011-02-27T20:09:26.942-05:00Hi Kyra, We adopted a four year old boy a year ago...Hi Kyra, We adopted a four year old boy a year ago. Attachment has gone according to the book; developmental trauma (being ripped from his family and placed in first one orphanage, then another, and then being stuffed on an airplane with nearly complete strangers and sent to a strange place with strange smells and sights (snow!) and food) -- it's a long road to recovery from that. Facts in referral and from birth family visit do not add up to his story. We're trying to get answers, but we may never know the real deal (and we used WHFC). And, according to my social worker, the reason why little boys 4 - 6 get relinquished is they are approaching or at school age and the parents come to the realization that they can't afford to send them. Little girls get kept home to be the worker bees -- boys can't fetch water or firewood or water after age 7 or it will reflect poorly on the mother. Don't know if you've seen my blog: karensadoptionjourney.blogspot.com. Some of our story is there. There are indeed no easy answers -- if we hadn't been in line to adopt him, someone else would have. His family relinquished him, and would have regardless of whether our dossier was in Ethiopia waiting for a match. We can only do our best with the hands we've been dealt -- all of us. I don't believe for a minute any corruption was involved, but I remain conflicted about international adoption, as I have from the beginning. I cried when we landed at Dulles, in part out of joy for finally being home with our son (if I'd known our flight home home had been canceled, I might not have felt quite so joyful) and partly out of sadness for his loss of his first home. I felt like I went to a country that needs so much and my "help" was to take one of their kids away. I feel profound sadness that it will be years before he'll be able to see his brothers and "little girl" again. He misses them terribly. I so desperately want a response to the letter I sent, but am beginning to think it may never happen. BTW, WHFC was one of the few agencies that responded to PEAR's questionnaire about Ethiopian adoption programs. It's interesting reading and may be of some help to you. I'm guessing if you go to PEAR's website you can find it with some digging.kareydkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16411246173777986984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-62626959148758289622011-02-26T22:37:07.231-05:002011-02-26T22:37:07.231-05:00I think it's great that you're asking so m...I think it's great that you're asking so many tough questions so early in the process. Not many do. There are no easy answers but I'm glad you're with an agency that seems to give the real, tough answers instead of making up the easy ones.veggiemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04382130007331410251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-33995297496912387572011-02-26T12:58:46.394-05:002011-02-26T12:58:46.394-05:00I think in a few weeks I'll have another long ...I think in a few weeks I'll have another long list of questions for our agency, and another long phone call. Thanks for all the advice, keep it coming!Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-38315053394392078322011-02-25T08:33:02.445-05:002011-02-25T08:33:02.445-05:00I too wish I had asked more and received more pape...I too wish I had asked more and received more paperwork.<br /><br />When we were picking up our son, we were allowed to examine, but not copy his full record. While we already had most of the paperwork in there, we did not have all of it.<br /><br />Since they would not make copies, I took a photo of each page. I was not popular, but they did not stop me. Other parents there were surprised I did it.<br /><br />I need to have someone translate the documents one of these days. I hope I only find confirmation of what i think I know about my son.<br /><br />What I learned is that you need to stick you neck out a bit to get all your answers.Bobhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05933679530214731775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-1753834995993066642011-02-24T19:37:10.722-05:002011-02-24T19:37:10.722-05:00I was in a very similar mind-set as you are, when ...I was in a very similar mind-set as you are, when I was at the same point you are. But I probably was not as educated as you. I think it is crucial to know if your agency arranges for birth family meetings. (Mine did.) And, if so, will they allow you to video-tape or audio-tape or bring your own translator to the meeting (mine did not.)<br />Also, what I never thought to ask but so wish I would have... What percentage of their placements are for "abandoned" children? Are you able to meet the "finder" in these cases? If not, at what point in the process will you see the police file? (Are you sensing that we didn't get a chance to meet a birth family member????) Also, can you request to only be referred a child who has at least one living relative?<br />While I believe there could be corruption in ANY placement... if you are brokering in babies, I am sure you wouldn't mind paying actors to pretend to be birth families... I do think there is more room for corruption with "abandoned" babies. I also believe some of the cases of corruption that were exposed last year and involved police officers were "abandonment" cases.<br />Obviously WHFC has a good ethical reputation. So does the agency I went with. But after being there and seeing the disconnect between the folks in the US and the folks on the ground in Ethiopia, and the further disconnect between the Addis care center essentially run by the Ethiopia division of our agency versus the rural care center run by completely different entities, I just don't know that picking an ethical US agency is enough (although it is the MOST important first step.)<br />So sorry that this is becoming a post and not a comment. Forgive the self-promotion, but I did write a post about this a few months ago (http://semiferalmama.wordpress.com/2010/09/22/whats-your-high-horse-standing-on/)<br />I believe the statistic I have heard is the 60-80% of all PAP's request a girl (that applies to every country and domestic).<br />I actually recently asked my agency about birth certificates. They are not common, although in 2010 the government started to encourage and issue them. Still, it might be a long, long time before they are used in rural areas.<br />Oh, and to make sure I am perfectly clear, I believe our adoption was ethical, and I still think Ethiopia is a viable program. I just wish I had asked more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-8279160203104925412011-02-24T16:35:41.817-05:002011-02-24T16:35:41.817-05:00Hey, Meg, get off my comments section and start wr...Hey, Meg, get off my comments section and start writing about your referral call already! We're DYING over here!Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-76824225198999629242011-02-24T14:52:49.683-05:002011-02-24T14:52:49.683-05:00Great informative post, such a nice review for me=...Great informative post, such a nice review for me=) Your conclusion is correct: No easy answers. In the end IA is a leap, even with an agency like WHFC. And I so appreciate their matter of fact attitude and lack of sugar coating. IA is not the place for butterflies and rainbows. I think the additional steps by MOWA, the courts and US Embassy are in the right direction. And I really hope that some of these changes eventually lead to the revocation of certain agency's licenses. A longer time from referral to embassy is well worth if if encourages ethical practices. <br />Great post. Have you guys decided your adoption age range yet? I can't remember...Meghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05622597895525196654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-34511187612513361562011-02-23T18:46:16.767-05:002011-02-23T18:46:16.767-05:00Hi Kamala! Thanks for the comment.
Hi Bob! I migh...Hi Kamala! Thanks for the comment. <br />Hi Bob! I might be wrong about Lisa mentioning birth certificates. She might have just said death certificates. Thanks for pointing that out.Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01649845469609235886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-24155806089726239132011-02-23T10:08:02.676-05:002011-02-23T10:08:02.676-05:00Hi:
We adopted our daughter from Ethiopia she is n...Hi:<br />We adopted our daughter from Ethiopia she is now 15 months old, and our agency also told us that we should contact them to send anything to our daughters birth family. We did meet her uncle and have some basic information of where she is from, and I think follow up on our own because I am not sure how much the agency really tells us about the family. I realize their need to play the middle man.<br />I wanted to say thank you for sharing, about your religious thoughts.Kamala Mantha-Thalerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02983017915258904901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603400846504081911.post-77784608762524743262011-02-23T08:56:37.319-05:002011-02-23T08:56:37.319-05:00Great post. You had a good conversation with your...Great post. You had a good conversation with your agency. I hope these changes head off closing of this program. Despite problems, children will go without homes without adoption as an option.<br /><br /><i>"The MOWA has recently been asking for a lot more documentation than they did before, things like birth certificates and death certificates..."</i> <br /><br />This would be a good thing, but I don't think birth certificates are that common. The culture does not celebrate birthdays and many kids are born in rural homes, where clearly nobody is present to draft a birth certificate.<br /><br /><i>"At this point the child would be legally ours, but s/he still has to meet the definition of an orphan according to U.S. law to get a visa. This is where a bad adoption agency can get adoptive parents into a terrible situation, if the child according to Ethiopian law is an orphan, but according to U.S. law is not. "</i><br /><br />Unfortunately I know of a family in this situtation now, but it was the Ethiopian Government who denied their entry into the country even after they passed court. Their agency is not as reputable as yours.Bobhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05933679530214731775noreply@blogger.com